Saturday, July 9, 2011

Move Over Sookie Stackhouse and Have YOU Ever Seen a Financially Embarrassed Vampire?

It's 10 p.m. on a warm Saturday evening here in the "hood".  As our schnauzers, Buddy and Baxter, trot lightly, and kind of spastically, behind me on the cart path in one of the many "futile" efforts to get them to attend to their "nightly constitutions", I hear the faintest of leaves rustling in the perfectly manicured trees surrounding the 9th hole.......COULD IT BE?  This Bitsy's mind raced.  I stopped, looked around up past the dip in the path and back toward the 8th hole . . . only to find one dog on the greens obliging my dreams for a productive walk, and the other dog standing behind me looking at me like "What the hell did you stop for"?  As much as I hate to admit it, week before last I heard the same sound, had the same thought and felt the same "racing heartbeat" that I had tonight~only that night, I was walking my grand dog, Gus in the Mississippi "hood".  It was a false alarm too!  Nope, just the breeze, nothing supernatural, nothing even remotely Ann Rice-like, Stephanie Meyer-like, Laura Adrian, LA Banks, or Charlaine Harris related!  I stood there that night too, taking it in, feeling just a teenie tiny bit, maybe just a little bitty smidgen of a tad . . . . . . disappointed.  Yes, I said it, "Where the heck are my Vampire Diaries buddies, Damon and/or Stefan Salvatore" when you NEED them?  I reckon LIFE at 54 can be sadly predictable :(  The little hot young vampire guys are visibly NOT here!

In the midst of a whole slew of new Vampire Series, be it books, movies or cable series, I have found myself carefully examining the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Vampired".  I guess I never really thought about it much.  Being raised and educated full blooded Catholic for all these years, I can assure you, the life of a bloodsucking vampire is not anything that this Bitsy ever gave any thought to.  Why now?  What is it about these Hollywood Hotshots of the Dark that have made them so interesting all of a sudden?  Well, for me, I can lay out every reason.  Things that I never thought about, NOW seem to be so blatently obvious, and with that said . . . I believe that as a Bitsy, the longevity of my life has become increasingly more important to ME! 

Bitsy's Reasons WHY Being a Vampire May NOT SUCK

  1. Considering the fact that these creatures live forever is rather appealing from this Bitsy's point of view.  I would not grow older, be no worse for the wear and be around to see Webb graduate from High School, College, get married, have children, watch them graduate from High School, College, get married, have children . . . . . YOU get the picture.  All the while, maintaining my faculties (or at least what I have left of them upon changeover from human to blood sucking creature of the night) and all the while, retaining my girlish figure and good looks :) .
  2. The second reason is pretty obvious too.  Apparently, all Vampires are wealthy.  They come from long lines of blood sucking creatures of the night, and everybody knows they do not have to work.  They just travel around the world, volunteer on community Boards, fly around above the trees and "sparkle" nicely in meadows.  The idea of an unlimited source of funding which would facilitate the time spent with the Webbman is increasingly attractive to this Bitsy.
  3. Some of you may bring up the fact that anyone who knows Bitsy knows she LOVES the Beach.  You may wag your fingers in front of my newly poutable lucious red lips and my milky white complextion and say . . . . "She's not gonna like the NO BEACH thing", well you may be right, but every Bitsy has to know that in life, you just have to give up some things and the Beach just may be ONE of them.  REMEMBER that with the unlimited tap of family funds flowing around in the beautiful new mansion my entire family will be living in, I can BUILD a beach in  my back yard and have a roof custom designed to filter the sunlight properly so that I will not only LOOK "tan", I'll look "sparkly" and lovely in my new skinny body that comes with the blood sucker package.
  4. Another reason is I would never NEED a hole punch.  I could open a can of Carnation milk at any time with no problem.
I would like to add that the "NO" soul thing bothers me.  I'm struggling with my Catholic faith too.  I'm still thinking about that one, AND the idea that all my friends and family are going to die off before I do is bothering me a tad too.  A big thing that is bothering me right up there next to the "NO" soul thing is the fact that I believe I'll lose my interest in food.  Chocolate cake is kind of like blood to me, and I don't think I'm ready to give it up.  I'll keep ya'll posted IF I keep hearing those noises that go "woosh" in the night on my dog walks.  I mean you never know.........the blood suckers of the dark may be eyeing up the dogs and not worried about Bitsy at all!

I know, it's like I say all the time . . . .
but the leather jacket thing is really cool and if Damon &
Stefan come with the package?

Nice Looking Jackets Guys - How can I get into your family?

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