Friday, May 20, 2011

A Lifetime Movie Gone Bad or Suck It Up Bitsy.

Just "WHAT" do you miss when you're a long distance grandma?
"EVERYTHING" is what you miss when you're a long distance grandma.
  For the life of this Bitsy, I can't seem to see a happy ending to this gig.
When did I become such a "sad" "mopey" "sourpuss"?
When did I become a "cryin' in my beer" non-beer drinker?
When, did this happen?  I'll tell you when. . . . .
October, 2010 when the moving trucks left Atlanta, that's when!

I'm certain ya'll get tired of reading about how devastatingly awful it is to be a long distance grandma.  Truth be told, I get tired of talking about it BUT I just can't help it.  I just can't seem to see anything without realizing what I'm missing.  This just isn't how I "envisioned" Grandmahood or Bitsyhood or whatever the heck this is because it darn sure ISN'T any semblance of FUN.  

This is kind of how it goes.  I get in the car to go to the grocery and I see someone pushing a stroller up the sidewalk in the subdivision.  I feel my foot pulling away from the gas and my foot pressing down on the brake.  I think to myself . . . . . "I'm going to have to do that with Webb".  "I'm going to have to take him for a walk and we can go to the pool and . . . . " Then, I stop.  Then I regroup.  Then, I wipe off the tears that are streaming down the "thank God I quit wearing makeup face" that I'm wearing, and continue  my drive out of the subdivision to the Kroger.

I get out at the Kroger, get a buggy and wait patiently for the little boy with his Momma helping him get in the buggy that is shaped like a racecar and watch her strap him in and tell him to sit down.  I say to myself . . . . . "I cannot wait to take Webb to the Grocery and push him around in a cart like that and . . . . " and then I stop.  Then I regroup, Then I wipe off the tears that are welted up around my "no makeup wearing face".

My next trip is to the Library, where I get out, get in line at the book drop and in front of me "Lo and Behold", it happens again.  There he is - an adorable little boy, with his momma and grandmomma standing on his tip toes reaching in as they patiently wait for him to push his books through the slot.  I say to myself "I cannot wait to take Webb to . . . . . " and I stop, I regroup and realize long distance grandmom's get at the most 10 - 12 good full days a year to cram in whatever quality things they can.  They spend the better part of their days planning and thinking about all the ways they love their grandchildren and planning and thinking about all the ways they are going to "show" their grandbabies how much they love them.  It's a slow painful way to watch a very bad movie play out in real life.  It's a Lifetime Movie gone bad.  It doesn't have the happy ending that it should.  It quite simply, is what it is, even though what it doesn't seem to be is "fair".

I believe I know why God probably intended on two people being married forever through thick and thin, better or worse, richer or poorer, til death do you part.  I believe I know why families are not supposed to split, multiply and divide.  I believe I know why parents, children, brothers and sisters are meant to live within driving distance.  No, none of these things are written in scripture.  No . . . none of these things were on the tablets of stone, but these things I know in my heart.  Life gets way way too complicated when you have more than just your family in the mix.  Somebody loses out no matter how much you love them.  Somebody comes up with the short end of the deck, and don't get me wrong, I would not give anything in this world for my role as a Bitsy, I just wanted so much more for Webb and for me.

I'm on my way to see the Webbman, to grab a visit in with my sister, see my brother and his family, share the happiness of my nephew graduating from high school and get a few girlfriend visits in (all done in a week's time).  Needless to say, I'm on my way and I'm already sad thinking about having to leave the lil man.  Yep, this is how long distance grandma'ing goes.  You dream and dream and dream some more.  You plan and plan and plan some more and for me, I write and write and write some more, but ultimately, you get your happy time in "just" long enough to make you want more.  It's like giving a person on a diet a damn cookie.  Sorry to be such a whiney baby.  It's all good.  It has to be right? That's what every good Bitsy does . . . . . .

One thing is for certain. . . . I don't have to like this long distance thing, and I don't have to be a silent sufferer.   Moving right along here~Let me just show ya'll a few things I've missed . . . . . . .
When did he get bigger than his bathtub? I missed that.
When did he get big enough for his high chair?  I missed that.
When did he get almost as big as his Bear?  I missed that!
Hope we all make it through today with no earthquakes!  Thanks for reading.  Blog at ya'll later.

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