Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Life According to B, Self Diagnosis and it's ONLY P.W.S

Yes, I KNOW I don't LOOK Sad and Grumpy, BUT I AM.

It's been nine (9) long days since Bitsy has seen the lil man, and I'm sad and grumpy because I won't see him for Easter.  Sure, I know.  It's nine (9) days, not nine (9) weeks, or nine (9) months, but it feels like it's been nine (9) long years.  I'm sure he has already finished third grade and nobody is telling me.  He's probably already been Baby Jesus and Joseph in various Christmas plays.   It's just not how I believed my "Bitsy" gig would go. 

Maybe that's our problem.  (Speak for myself, right?)  We all spend way too much time "preconceiving" how "things" should be.  I am fairly certain that we would all be far better off if we lived in celebration.  Yep, celebration of the day, of the moment, of whatever comes our way.  I'm sure that I'm not the only one on this planet whose mind "occasionally" wanders to "Gee, I wish I would have done "blank", or I wish I would have been a "blank", or I wish I had seen "blank".  Maybe that's what people mean when they say "blanketie, blank, blank" . . . . ya reckon?

I think I'm not alone, but I guess it's possible.  You see, what makes matters worse is this "Bitsy" has a husband who truly "lives for the day".  He lives for the "here and now".  I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone like him, but on that same note . . . . . how amazing is that?  He wakes up and forges on into his day with all the "gusto" that life has to offer.  I realized not too terribly long ago that I would find myself almost "aggravated" with him for that.  I spend most of my time looking forward to something taking place two weeks from now and just wishing the days away in between.  Don't misunderstand, it's not like I don't enjoy the time in between, but probably not as much as I should.  I've thought alot about the two "life perspectives" and while I'd like to live "Life According to B" (B, for "Butch", not for "Bitsy"), I don't think I'm a "live for today" kind of person.  I wish I were, so for the time being, this Bitsy will still be "looking forward to my next trip to Webbworld" in a few weeks and marvelling at my husband's wonderful method of greeting life daily.  I'm going to work on it because I definitely see the benefits that his philosophy holds and I have never seen a "happier" or "more balanced" person than he.  He doesn't have alot of "highs" or for that matter alot of "lows". 

Me . . . . I've never been able to moderate a good balance between the two but, at least,  it seems that I can self diagnose the problem.  I've had alot of time between visits to think about it and I really feel I should "pat" myself on the back for being so analytical and rational about the root cause of my mood swings.  It's pretty complicated and I know Aetna is thankful I didn't spend thousands of dollars and unlimited hours at Emory asking them to figure it out.  Nobody has contacted me yet from the New England Journal of Medicine, but I bet that's that 800# I didn't answer today.  Yep, that explains it.

I have "P.W.S."  Yes, that's what I have.  I can't help but believe it's something that runs in our family - "Post Webb Syndrome".  Yep, that's what I'm suffering from.  At least there's a cure, albeit it, 483 miles away. 

WHAT do you mean my "Bitsy" isn't coming for Easter?

Sophie, - How do I love you?  Let me Count the Ways!

Ummmmmm, that feels so good, NOW, if I can just get them to leave me alone
 so I can chew on it in private.

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