Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Things We Do For Love, the Divorced Parenting Guide & Sharing our Children!

I feel compelled to tell ya'll that this week'a long "hiatus" for Bitsy from her "Bits" was difficult, "VERY" difficult, indeed.  Every evening, as I lay my head down on my pillow, whether it was in North Mississippi or South Mississippi, this brain of mine would think {YOWZER} "What a wonderful day I had and the many things I needed to share about the day with you guys".  Then I'd find myself working hard to remember the whole "intent and purpose" for this blogging project.  It was initiated to function as a means of working through long distance "Bitsying".  The word "Bitsy" has gone through some serious adjustments.  First~it was a proper name, then it became a proper noun and well I reckon it has worked it's way into the verb category too!  I am pretty certain we could and will use it as an adjective also.  I'm going to work on this blog being so "Bitsy".  With all that said, I was too busy being a hands on "live and appearing in person {full time} Bitsy" during my "no blog period".  I was soaking up all things Webbman and visiting with  the Lil Momma, Precious and the extended cast and crew of Murphy/Moran-Turcotte/Webb/Meisenheimerville. 

Where did I leave you guys last week??  We were bombing Libya, and I believe we were getting a new lil Catholic in the family! NO wait, we were getting TWO new lil Catholics in the family as we were blessed enough to baptise Webbman in a joint ceremony with his cousin, Miller.  What an amazing example of the "family" sharing that takes place as you love and accept new family members.   One of the things I've figured out over the last seven years or so, is that if you love a child or anyone for that matter enough, you share them.  This isn't easy.  I would never say that when the Lil Momma is with her Dad, that I haven't felt that evil green monster rising up in the back of my neck and down my spine.  Envy is such an awful thing, but as quick as the little monster comes, I "fess up" to it.  I tell the Lil Momma........."I KNOW this is irrational, and I KNOW you love me just as much as Dad, Just bear with me and KNOW that I KNOW I'm being an ASSHEAD :)-but at least an ASSHEAD that LOVES you".  I have been so proud of the Lil Momma and Precious in the way they have and do include all facets of this family we have accumulated over our journey.  What greater privilege and joy is there than to be able to share in and wallow in that pride??  You share the happy times, you share the sad, but most importantly, you just share whatever moments come along as part of their life!  Grownups don't hog!  Hogging makes for unhappy confused chillens, and by the time you realize they are confused unhappy chillens, they have confused their own chillens and the cycle has started all over yet adamngain.

I'm going to attempt a synopsis, but could not even begin to explain the dynamics of the Lil Momma's side of the family.  Our contingent is most certainly not "textbook".  Our family relationships truly defy all accepted logic, and most assuredly any logic or advise you will find in the "Divorced Parents Guidebook", unless it's the one that Bitsy wrote (when you have a blog, you can write your own guidebook......TRY'll see". Obviously none of "our family's Connect the Dots projects" have ended successfully in "Connecting the Dots".  The commonly know "straight lines" that lots of other families achieve are "Oh So Jagged", but as skewed and crooked as they may be . . . . the Lil Momma's Daddy (who I will refer to as "Bud")  and I have made them work.  There is surely no concise clear cut seamless relationship to those that may believe they know how our family lives and, most importantly, "how it loves".  Lets start with the Lil Momma's Daddy ("PawPaw to the Webbman") and the Lil Momma's Moma ("Bitsy to the Webbman" or "moi").  We were married for a little over 20 years.  Somewhere during that time period, we decided it wasn't such a good idea to remain in the institution of marriage any longer and filed for the "oh so dreaded" D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  The Lil Momma's Daddy (PawPaw) remarried a few years later and so did  (Bitsy) a few years after that.  Most people would believe that life as we knew it would come to a screeching halt, but those that know the inner workings of our little nuclear family know it only hit a speed bump.  We regrouped, never once wavering as to what our mission in life was!  We are big into mission statements, diagrams, marriage counselors  (all five (5) of them), and well the idea that "we may not be certified" but we are "certifiable".  PawPaw and I agreed that no amount of "whatever" life threw at us could muddy the waters and muck up the facts.  We adored the Lil Momma, were proud of her every move and didn't give up our Mom and Dad roles and working as a "parental team" when we divorced.  We didn't even give up the discussions that so often ensued between us when it comes to doing what is best for the Lil Momma.  All I can say is this has been difficult and tedious on the spouses that were added to our mix, and oftentimes, those spouses didn't and don't "get it".  I don't know that Bitsy and PawPaw "get it", but what this Bitsy does know is that there is not a day that has gone by that she isn't glad that 'Webbman's PawPaw' is the 'Lil Momma's Daddy'.  He has been a very good one and for that, this Bitsy is ever so thankful.   We have spent many a Christmas, Thanksgiving, and whatever other holiday we deem fit together as a family (with all the other characters that have been brought to the mix).  Some of our new characters have come and gone, and others are still questioning our methods, but "our methods", they are and methods~ they will remain.

On my drive back from Mississippi on Friday, I found myself listening to some god awful "Help Radio" show.  The statistics they rattled off were beyond belief, but they said them and I absorbed them . . . . . right or wrong.  According to the talk show hosts, 96% of all men and 94% of all women say "I do" and 90% of all those "I do's" end up in "I don't".  I carried alot of guilt around for alot of years, but once theWebbman was born, and this Bitsy began to realize that his PawPaw and I had truly adopted the "No Child Left Behind" program, I have found myself feeling pretty good.  If about nothing else, about how HARD WE TRY.  I give us an A+, with an occasional "Note Home from the Teacher".  :)

Til tomorrow, I'm just letting ya'll know . . . . come Thursday I'll be heading back to Mississippi for the week which will include a very special dance recital and, of course,  will allow me to do my job as "Bitsy" while the Lil Momma and Precious move once again.  Same County, Different City, Different House.  Happy Sunday evening!

Precious, the Lil Momma, the Webbman and Father Joe
Oxford, MS
March 20, 2011

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